On heavy rotation:
You look like a perfect fit
For a girl in need of a tourniquet
But can you – save me
Come on and – save me
If you could – save me
From the ranks of the freaks
Who suspect they could never love anyone
‘Cause I can tell
You know what it’s like
The long farewell
Of the hunger strike
~ Save Me – Aimee Mann
Behold this night, still and clear
You look here just like an angel sleeping
I wish I could ease your fears
I would catch the diamond tears you’re weeping
In your eyes I would hide
By your side I could defy
The forces tearing us apart
But reality, as it seems
Looking back, is that our dream
Was fated from the start
Girl we’re star-crossed and can’t escape
We’re condemned and can only wait
At this time now it’s far too late
To save us from our fate
~ Starcrossed – Ash
I flew home last Friday. As I sat at LCCT’s Coffee Bean sipping tea, it occurred to me that the last time I was there I was sick with grief and could only breathe normally when I forgot for a moment just why I was going home. I’m happy to report that I flew back for happier reasons this time around: mom’s 50th birthday and to tag along to Lil Bro’s doctors appointment.
Not just any doctors appointment, but one which will finally diagnose him with ADHD, or anything to explain his appalling behaviour and mood swings. The doctor prescribed a drug and explained to a mutinous looking boy how to take it, its side effects and benefits. As I scribbled notes down, I glanced up and saw mom looking hopeful as the doc was listing what he hoped the drug would do for Lil Bro. That made me sad. It isn’t easy living with my mom, even if you don’t have any disorders, but to her credit she’s tried her best to get Lil Bro better.
I was at home long enough to see Lil Bro take the meds for 2 days. The results were amazing. Gone is the sullen, fidgeting little boy. In his place was a quieter person, one who actually thought for a few nanoseconds before blurting out things. Someone who didn’t demand instant gratification but understood, ‘wait a minute’.
I know it’s early days yet, but I wish I had been pushier with my folks and that we had done this years before. I worry that it’s too late now. But as I look at Lil Bro quietly sitting at church, not whining to be let out or that the priest is an asshole, I thank God that we’ve finally found something that helps him with his demons and we could all just be a normal family.