whenever i want you around

It’s been a week since B’s funeral. Life goes on and all of us fell back to our old routines pretty quickly. I still can’t help looking at the clock sometimes and thinking what I was doing at this time exactly one week back: This time last week I got the call. This time last week I was begging for a plane ticket on a fully booked flight. This time last week we were drinking in B’s memory…. and the list goes on.

B’s death brought together a group of friends who hadn’t been in one place at the same time for more than 10 years. Last week wasn’t all doom and gloom. There were also very bright moments when we rediscovered the joy of each other’s company. I had the first civil conversation in a decade with my very first boyfriend, AC. Throughout the course of the weekend, we also found certain past annoyances and grievances were alive and well (all of us, not just between me and AC), a bit sad but inevitable really 🙂 .

In some ways, nothing’s changed but everything is different. To be brutally honest, having a relationship with MC made it necessary to limit contact with some of these people to spare my parents gossip and speculation. Just because we’re friends and grew up together, doesn’t blind me to the fact that some of them and their parents are inveterate blabbers. But instead of feeling angry at them for failing to keep confidences, I now (sort of) accept that they are who they are and won’t change no matter what. I just tell them, yes, I am seeing someone, but no you won’t meet him as the parents don’t approve. They try and wiggle out more but I keep mum. Sometimes a pointed, ‘why do you care so much?’ shames them into silence. Haha.

I’m flying back again in 2 weeks for a family matter. Unlike trips in the past when I keep to myself and not inform anyone that I’m back, this time I’m going to call a few friends up and we’ll go have a meal at 818 and then bicker again who pays the bill. This is what you left us, B. We love you.


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