I guess now that most of you have read the Ann Landers letter, you all want to be geologists (or force your offspring to become one) and not some wimpy engineer. Here are some tips on how to be a real geologist.
- don’t eat quiche. They don’t even know what it is. Real geologists like raw meat, beer and tonsil-killer chili.
- don’t need rock hammers. They break samples off with their bare hands.
- don’t sit in offices. Being indoors drives them crazy. If they’d wanted to sit in offices they’d have become geophysicists. <- HAHAHAHAHHA
- don’t need geophysics. Geophysicists measure things nobody can see or feel, make up a whole lot of numbers about them, then drill in the wrong places.
- don’t go to meetings, except to point at a map and say “DRILL HERE” and leave.
- don’t work 9 to 5. If any real geologists are around at 9am it’s because they’re going to a meeting to tell the managers where to drill.
- don’t like managers. Managers are a necessary evil, for dealing with bozos from Human Resources, beancounters from Accounting and other mental defectives.
- don’t make exploration budgets. Nervous managers make exploration budgets. Only insecure mama’s boys try to stay within exploration budgets. Real geologists ignore exploration budgets.
- don’t use compasses. That smacks of geophysics. Real geologists always know exactly where they are, and the direction of the nearest place where beer is available.
- don’t make maps. Maps are for novices, the forgetful, managers and pansies who like to play with coloured pencils. A real geologist will only draw a map to show the ill-informed managers where to drill.
- don’t write reports. Bureaucrats write reports, and look what they’re like.
- don’t have joint venture partners. Partners are for wimpy bedwetters who are unable to think big.
- don’t use computers. Computers are for geophysicists, other nerds and limp-wristed quiche eaters who can’t think for themselves.
by J. Garter from Geolog v. 19, pt 4, Sept/Oct 1990.
Mr AA, are you laughing your head off yet?